Author : Nick Krym

Basics of Non-verbal Communications

I started talking about body language and non-verbal communications (commonly referred as NVL) a while ago kicking off the discussion with a picture of consummate liar. NVL is a general topic that applies across industries and domains, the reason I bring it up here is that NVL is exceptionally important during face to face interactions with your partners. The cross cultural aspect of offshore relationships introduces whole another layer of complexity to NVL, often complicating already perplexing aspects of communications. To understand it you need to have a solid grasp on basics of NVL. Crawl before you run so to say. Of course understanding basics of NVL will help you in many other aspects of communications both professional and personal.

Of course this post is only a few brash strokes on a canvas – if you find NVL topic of interest you may want to look into a few books which I found helpful. Anyway…

Body language or non-verbal language refers to conveying messages without words. We are accustomed to use common gestures which are the “words” of NVL for example nodding your head in agreement or shaking it in disagreement, facial expressions – smile, frown, disgust, etc. Many or NVL “words” are much more subtle though. They do communicate message to outside world sometimes much louder than plain words would.

In a personal spoken message according to Albert Mehrabian (Psychology Today, 1968) the total message is communicated via:

  • 7% is conveyed by the words
  • 38% by the vocal tones, and
  • 55% by facial and body expression

How about that? More than half of the message comes across via body language! Talk about the Cons of outsourcing! When you work with someone and do not see him or her the chances are you will miss half of what they are saying or it will take twice as long.

More so the body language is less controlled by our conscious mind and often radiates the true message. Just look around and you will see plenty examples of it. I started writing this post while on my way to the office in BART, as on purpose to help me with an example a couple walked in the car and sit across. The couple was having one of those discussions: her eyes were red and full of tears; they sit on the bench at least a foot apart, her fist were clinched and body pasture uptight / uneasy. He was much more relaxed and appeared in control, he was the one doing all the talking in very persuasive somewhat mechanical manner, the topic was apparently very emotional and she was hanging on his every word, looking deep into his eyes. I could not hear a word yet it was somewhat clear that he did something that had hurt her and now was explaining / asking for forgiveness. By the Fruitvale station there was no more distance between them, his arm was on her shoulders, at the West Oakland they kissed lightly, by the Embarcadero station the kiss was real, the fight was over, and the guy was forgiven. She relaxed as if the seat suddenly became 100 times cozier and looked so much happier, so did he… What she did not see during the conversation, as she was maintaining that rare unbreakable eye contact, was his body language and all classical signs of deception. For me as a side observer sings were obvious as if I was watching an NVL training tape – here is the hand to mouth move, now he’s rubbing his neck, and here goes that proverbial blinking… As I was walking out of the car I saw her happy smile. Isn’t love grant?

There are a few very important elements to reading NVL:

  • North American gestures do not necessarily represent gestures correctly in other ethnic cultures. As a matter of fact you need to make sure to read up on foreign NVL before getting involved in face to face communication with your offshore partners, innocent or positive gestures could be offensive in other cultures, e.g. infamous American feet on the table the gesture that is extremely impolite in many cultures and exceptionally offensive in the Middle East.
  • Many people can easily control what their NVL broadcasts to the outside world in an initial stage of conversation or its “static” stages. For example anyone can start a conversation with a smile, specific body position, etc. As the conversation moves along and becomes more engaging / more emotional the mind loses its control over NVL. If you are trying to read NVL pay specific attention to changes in NVL. Changes in NVL are significantly more important than “stance” or specific elements of NVL displayed for a period of time.
  • You are probably not the only one who is NVL aware. More so some people put substantial effort in mastering in NVL outbound communications and use it as powerful deception or influence techniques. For example a powerful technique taught in many sales classes is mirroring – mimicking conversation partner’s body language. Mirroring is known to increase chances of positive outcome of the conversation – closing the deal; it comes from one of core principals of influence theory; that’s a whole another topic for discussion.

Well, that probably covers the main elements of the foundation.

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